do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
