I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
