Banned from zoo.
Again?
We got so high we made milksteak
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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