first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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