I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
