Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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