I think i sorta joined a cult last night
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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