hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
