i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
