respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
