theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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