I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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