i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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