I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
