Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
