I just made out with a guy for $7.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
