The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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