I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
