My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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