Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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