Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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