Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we're making bets on your personal life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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