he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
