I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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