drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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