I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
