guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
