time to smoke my breakfast
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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