Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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