anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
