It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
