yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
