just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
