My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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