i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
