how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
should my penis look like a turkey
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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