need another drink. this is the easiest way
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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