I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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