so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
