hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
be right there i have to get my cape
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
