I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
