pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it hurts more in the daytime
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
