and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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