dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
