i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
