My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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