Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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