im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
