she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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