I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
